Hello EVERYONE! I'm still very grateful for all of you because I've won the 3rd SPOT in the FILIPINO BLOG of the WEEK by The Composed Gentleman. I am really grateful that I have been able to force you to vote for me, haha.. :D
Muli, hindi na ako mamimilit, haha.. :D I would just like to ask you to PLEASE CONTINUE TO VOTE FOR MY BLOG: PROJECT DENNIO under the heading Vote Here which can be found at his SIDEBAR. I'm really counting on your support. Thank you very much.
This is a continuation of a previous post. If you haven't seen it, click here.
I tried to hang on the last thread I had for the survival of my eight blogs (including the main site) but my efforts proved to be futile. Because of this, I had finally made a 'very heartbreaking' decision to just let go of the other blogs and reboot my blogging life all over again.
The result was this blog.
If you're going to view it now, it is in complete disarray. But when I was using that site, it was my masterpiece. I had attended to every single detail that it has. I made sure that every feature, add-on and links are working. It was also on this blog that I had made my first ever header image:
And of course, it contained my posts that I had painstakingly created.
This blog reflected one of the major decisions I had made that year: to become an 'activist.' The header image would speak for itself. But ironically, I had only posted a few articles that talked about my views as a so-called 'activist.' It was just like my former blogs, it simply contained everything that I want to talk about.
But when the year 2008 came in, I started to write 'lots' of posts. Why? It was during these times that my life is starting to fall off. It was this blog that helped me to ease out the burden and sufferings I had been experiencing then.
It was also last year when I did a lot of things that I almost regret doing it. Why almost? Because I had a belief that even if it is 'my will that had been done,' that Guy up there still has something to do with it which I call as His Plan B. This Plan B would be very painful for us and Him to bear but nevertheless he allowed it to happen because He wants us to learn from it. And these things that I almost regret doing had inspired me further to write nice posts that received some praises and criticisms from my visitors.
As I have mentioned earlier, I had only posted a few articles that would let you know of my 'activist' or 'leftist' leanings.
Until one day, after I had contemplated enough to 'leave' the 'national democratic struggle' as a pseudo activist, I had posted an entirely different article that would somehow contradict my 'former' activist leanings. It was some sort of a critique on what I call as the 'red army' here in the Philippines.
I did not expect that post to receive harsh comments from them - the hard-core activists.
That single post had erupted into different arguments between me and them. At first, it was some sort of 'healthy exchange' of ideas and opinions. That would have been nice if it had not worsen into nasty personal attacks. If you had seen my Friendster and Multiply profile then, you would see how they lambasted me and called me names.
May isa pa nga sa kanila na sobrang minamaliit ang kakayahan ko na magsulat at nararapat lamang daw na magsulat ng mga artikulo na ang paksa ay tungkol sa mga Teletubbies.
But instead of retaliating, I just shrugged them off. Instead of backing off, I wrote two more aticles on that. Their attacks had just inspired me more to write about them.
They failed to understand that the 'critique' was not against them. If they'd just be reading it carefully, they'd find out that it was my way of suggesting so that their 'struggle' would succeed. But again, 'de-kahon kasi ang utak nila. Wala na tayo magagawa don.'
By the way, despite what had happened, I'd still be resurrecting those 'controversial' posts here very soon. :D
That blog survived for more than a year. But after that, I had again decided to give my blog a 'refreshing look.' That time, I felt the need for it despite the fact that my life is now in ruin. This new blog served as my mask to hide all the pains I had. Just like what my visitor had commented - the past blog was too dark and gloomy unlike the new one which is filled with hope, life and dreams.
But they did not know that it was meant to hide the grim events that had unfolded since the start of the year. All the flashy images and colorful graphics are meant to veer away my visitors or friends from asking questions about me. I tried very hard to make them think of other things while they are visiting my blog.
Still, no matter how hard I've tried, it still reflected what had been happening to me during that time.
At first, I tried to create 'relevant posts' for my blog. I was able to hold on to that in the first month. But as you can see my posts, none of them are really interesting. Aakalain mo na isang bangag ang sumulat nito. Walang direksyon. Walang tema.
Then the raging storm came. But before the storm came in, just like any other storm, there was a lull. For me, it was a momentary bliss that ended just too soon. I had not yet savored what happened.
Then, I got away for a month - the longest month I've ever had. It was a painful transition period. It was a time of accepting things that is yet to come.
Then I came back a month later - still on that blog. I came with a new lease on life but still needs to undo lots of things that I've done. But, I'm not yet ready to go back to blogging. The events that had unfolded are just too overwhelming. I need to reconnect my soul with my body. Again, I went on 'hibernation.'
As I was slowly 'recovering' from the painful transition, one event had 'forced' me to go back to blogging.
Well, I won't spill in the details here but it was about my 'love life.' *gasp* Yes. It was a broken heart that made me write again. It was tragic but just like what everyone says, 'there always opportunity in a crisis.' Lo and behold, that single tragic event awakened the poet in me.
I started to put up poems in my blog. If you're going to look at one here, you'll see that most of my poems that time are very dark and gloomy - like my past blog. Ang aking mga tula ay naging boses ng isang taong sobrang sawi at bigo sa pag-ibig. It was also my desperate attempt to win her back. Kumbaga, parang nagpapaawa ako sa kanya.
I know then that she's not reading my blog but that time I made sure she'd see it even through her Friendster profile. She did read it. She even texted me saying: 'parang puro tungkol naman sa akin lahat iyun eh..' Yes, I told her, it was all about you. I won't be adding more details to my tragic love story because I'd be putting that one up later.
After the dramatic turn of events, again, I stopped blogging.
This time, I got busy with freelance writing again. I tried to clear my thoughts from her and decided to focus my energy into something productive. I tried to study hard again and do my job well. Going back to blogging was not one of my priorities.
But I guess, my 'calling' for this vocation cannot be ignored. But I cannot continue with that blog. It's just full of painful memories and I cannot go on carrying them all with me. I made my last post this year and decided to come up with a new one to help me pick up again my broken self.
Thus, PROJECT DENNIO was born last May 1, 2009. My blogging life is still on after three years. And because my Photoshop went down yesterday, I cannot create a nice greeting for myself to proclaim my blogging anniversary.. :D Pagtitiisan ko muna ito. :)
J.D. LIM is now THREE YEARS OLD in the BLOGOSPHERE.