Isa ba akong AKTIBISTA?

"Aktibista ka pala Dennio eh."

Sabi ito ng isang kaklase ko ngayon sa bagong eskwelahan ko. (Opo, wala na ako sa UP. Tagal na, haha.. :D See story here. :P) Binase niya ito sa kanyang mga nababasa sa mga posts ko sa Facebook at sa paminsan-minsang pagggm (group message sa text) ng mga bagay na may kinalaman sa pagiging makabayan.

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Noong unang malaman ng nanay at tatay ko na sumali ako noon sa isang aktibistang grupo sa UP, hindi na ako nagtaka na nagalit sila. Agad nilang inalala na baka isa ako sa mga madukot at mapatay noon lalo't kainitan noon nang madukot sina Karen at She na taga UP. Kasalanan ko din naman, nakalimutan ko na may usapan pala kami na pag-uusapan muna namin ang mga bagay na ito.

Nang matanggal naman ako sa UP, nasisi din nila ang pagiging 'aktibista' ko kung bakit ko napabayaan ang aking pag-aaral. Pero taliwas nga sa kanilang iniisip, ang tunay na dahilan ay tinamaan ako ng katamaran noon na mag-aral. At noong mga panahong iyon, hindi rin naman ako aktibo sa sinalihan ko. At alam din ng kapita-pitagang si Anton Dulce (sipsip ba? :D) na noong mga panahon na iyon, binabatikos ko na sila.

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Nagpasya ako noon na yakapin ang tinatawag na 'multi-perspective activism o alternative activism' na isinusulong ng iba. Ang ganda kasing basahin at pakinggan. Multi-perspective. Madaming paraan para ilabas at kumilos sa mga isyu sa paraang hindi na kakailanganin pa ang lumaban sa lansangan. At higit sa lahat, napakakomportable.

May nakakatext na nga ako noon na kasama sa mga grupong ganyan. Siya naman eh galing din sa kabila. Medyo desidido na ako noon na sumama sa kanila. Pero may ilang bagay at dahilan ang nagtulak sa akin para hindi gawin 'yon.

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Lumipat ako ng paaralan. Sa unang pagtapak ko pa lang sa mga pintuan nito, kakaiba na ang aking naramdaman. Hindi naman parang may mali ngunit may bumubulong sa likod ng aking isipan na sa lugar na ito mas higit ka na mamumulat.

Lumipas ang ilang buwan, pinilit na mamuhay ng normal na estudyante. Nag-aral uli ng mabuti. Pinilit iwasan ang nakaraan. Ngunit sa kaka-iwas ko, lalo lang kami nagtatagpo.

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May nakapagsabi sa akin noon na kapag ikaw ay nalagay sa isang sitwasyon na kung saan sinusubok ang lahat ng iyong prinsipyo at pagkatao, dito lumalabas kung ano ang iyong mga pinaniniwalaan at pinaninindigan sa buhay. Na sa mga pagkakataong nagmumuntik-muntikanan, lumalabas ang tunay nating pagkatao.

Taliwas sa paniniwala muli na mailalayo ako mula sa init ng aktibismo sa UP, sa kinalalagyan ko ngayon, sa mga nakita kong pagmamalabis at pagsikil ng kalayaan at karapatan, mas lalo akong napalapit sa pagiging aktibista.

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Ngunit ang 'paglapit' kong ito ay hindi nawalan ng mga agam-agam. Pag-aalala na kung ako'y gagawan ng mga hakbang, maaaring magsilbi ito na katapusan muli ng aking pagkakataon na makapag-aral.

Pero sa mas malalim na pagbubulay-bulay, napagtanto ko na kung ako'y magpapadala lamang sa takot na aking nararamdaman, habambuhay na magiging ganito ang kalagayan ng mga kapwa ko estudyante. Habambuhay na lang ako magmamasid habang unti-unti namamatay sa gutom ang maraming Pilipino. Kahit anong ngawa ang gawin ko, nariyan pa rin sila at patuloy sa pagpapahirap sa mga Pilipino.

Matindi ang tawag ng panahon. Mahirap manahimik sa panahong nagsusumigaw ang pangangailangan ng nagkakaisang pagkilos upang panibaguhin ang lipunan.

Muli kong pinag-aralan ang aking sarili. Kung paano ko mabibigyang katwiran ang pagnanais ko muli na maging aktibo sa pakikipaglaban 'para sa mga tao na wala naman pakialam sa akin' (ayon sa kaibigan ko at sa mga magulang ko).

Nakarating lamang ako sa iisang konklusyon: kailangan ng pagkilos.

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Ano ang mabigat na dahilan ko kung bakit ito ang naging desisyon ko? Si Hesus. (See FOLLOW CHRIST, SERVE THE PEOPLE.) Itinuturing ko siya na kauna-unahang yumakap sa prinsipyo ng paglilingkod sa sambayanan. Sa kabila ng kawalang pakialam sa kanya ng nakararami, patuloy siya sa pangangaral, sa pagpapastol, sa paglilingkod sa mga taong di niya kilala, sa mga tao na alam niyang sa bandang huli ay magpapapako sa kanya.

Maaring mali ang pananaw na ito sa iba (lalo na sa ibang aktibista) pero iisa lang naman ang nilayon ni Kristo noon sa nilalayon ng mga aktibista ngayon: tunay na kalayaan. Hinangad ni Kristo ang tunay na kalayaan mula sa kasalanan, hangad ng isang aktibista ang tunay na paglaya ng bayan sa panunupil, kahirapan at dayuhang kontrol.

Maaari din na magtaas ng kilay ang ilan na maling ihalintulad si Kristo sa mga aktibista dahil malayong malayo ang mga ginawa niya sa ginagawa ng mga aktibista ngayon. Pero malamang, hindi alam ng mga taong ito na sa panahon ni Kristo, ang lahat ng kanyang ginagawa ay radikal sa pananaw ng mga naghaharing uri noon at paglapastangan sa kanilang pinaniniwalaan - walang pinagkaiba sa pananaw ng marami ngayon sa ginagawang pagkilos ng mga aktibista.

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Pero sa kabila nito, maituturing ko na ba ang aking sarili na isang aktibista - o isang press release pa lamang,

Isa pa lamang po akong press release.

Oo at nakikita ninyo ang aking pagsuporta sa mga pagkilos dito sa Facebook, sa aking blog o sa mga text messages ko sa inyo.

Ngunit kulang pa ito ng tunay na pagkilos sa tunay na mundo kaisa ang sambayanan.

Kulang pa ito ng pakikihalubilo sa masang Pilipino sa mga kanayunan, sa mga pabrika o sa mga nasa urban poor community.

Hangga't hindi ko pa nagagawa ito, isa lamang akong press release.

Pero, not for long. :)

May mga takot pa rin ako pero kailangan ko itong harapin at hindi ko ito pababayaang maging hadlang para tunay ako na makapaglingkod sa sambayanan.

Serve the People!

"At the risk of seeming ridiculous, let me say that the true revolutionary is guided by a great feeling of love." - Che Guevara

Images: From Google Image Search

Trying NOT to be a BIG FAILURE again

I started it with my failures in life and my regrets in the past. This one's a continuation of the series of posts I made as a way of 'celebrating' my 20th birthday this year.

Although things are still not doing well these past few months, especially with my online business, I'm trying hard not to break down again. In fact, there had been numerous occasions in the past wherein things like this happen to me.

I am at this stage where I'm trying to fit in the fallen pieces into my life again when suddenly another unfortunate incident would happen. It would try to ruin my life again. It would try to hamper what I had been trying to do - recover and move on.

But sometimes, good things just happen to help me overcome them.

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When I was kicked out of UP, I thought that going away from my family and trying to live alone for 10 years would be my best option to protect my family from the shame that I'd be giving to them. I was then thinking of hiding for 10 years and I would only return if I had been able to establish myself and finished college somewhere else.

But that didn't happen.

Instead, a day before the start of classes I told them that I failed. Though I've felt that they were deeply disappointed at what happened to me, they never showed it. I wanted to tell them that school does not interests me anymore. I would rather work until my interest in studying gets back. But they have instead told me what to do next.

Immediately the next day, they enrolled me at my younger sister's school. The night before, we were brainstorming for possible courses that I should take up and we ended up with Computer Science.

I have to admit, parents really know what's best for us because it somehow gave me new hope that I can still change the course of my life and mend my ways.

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If you're going to ask me if things had been much better since that fateful day, in some aspects, it had been much better. Though I still do things that will cause me to go back again to what I've been before, I'm trying to drop them off one at a time. Making things better for me is really hard. I have to face everything that I tried to ran away these past few years. I have to break through the walls I built around me. I have to make sure that I won't repeat the same mistakes again.

Actually, life had been a little bit harder for me. It is not because I've got many new problems in my life. But it is due to my attempts at 'rehabilitating and rebuilding' my life again. Every step, every turn should be in the right direction. Detours are no longer allowed. Running on reverse would just make me go back again to zero. Everything has to move forward. Everything should be in progressive motion.

I had to drop off my insecurities, fears, disbelief and pessimism. I had to throw away unnecessary baggage that had been slowing me down. I should tame myself into indulging in things which have been proven to be bad for me. I had to promise and keep on promising to myself that I won't take a u-turn and start all over again.

Easily said but difficult to do.

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Right now, I'm still struggling with all of the things that I need to get rid off. I'm still at the crossroads of my life wherein good and evil is trying to get me to their side. I still fall down and obtain several bruises. I had been still doing some of the things that made my past miserable.

But what's different is that I don't linger much on my sadness, pain and failures. I let myself grieve for a while, feel the pain and learn a lesson. Then I gather all of my courage and strength to move on - trying hard not to redo it again.

Above it all, life now is much better despite the continuing barrage by the evil forces inside me and coming from below. Someone from above made me realize again that 'man without God is nothing.'

I am still nothing. But with His help and my continuous prayer of thanksgiving and plea for help, life won't be the same again.

Disclaimer: Despite what I've said, I still do not consider myself as a good 'Christian'. That's also one of my struggles, to become one and never leave His side again.

Image Copyright by Jose Dennio P. Lim Jr.

On Photo: One of my friends in my current school, Mr. Jarkie Miranda, it was a spur of the moment shot and it is not scripted. I happen to be holding my digicam and I saw the scene as worthy to be immortalized on a photo. :)

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I'm a BIG FAILURE (Part 2)

To know more about why I have these series of posts, see this article.

I'm sorry if my previous post had been so long that it would have probably bored you to hell. I've tried to shorten it but no matter how hard I try, I felt the need for you to know those things so you can better understand me why I say such weird things in this blog.

Now let me tell you about things that I should have done but didn't because again of fear of the unknown, lack of self-esteem and belief that I should do it rather than stay passive and expect for the worse to come.

To begin with, these are actually the things that I should have done so I did not missed out lots of opportunities that had been coming to me. These are things that I have regretted for not doing it.

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I should have just stayed a little longer in UP and tried to study hard. I should not have given up easily on that one subject that I got a grade of five. I should have not let myself to become affected and disturbed by what happened. I should have instead brushed it off and moved on. After all, I'm still in UP then. But I didn't. So there I am, I was expelled.

I should have never let my father think that it was that progressive, activist group who influenced me not to study well. It was solely my fault. In fact, I was not attending any EDs or meetings after two months of somehow being active. I should have instead proven that I can both study well and be active in that group. But I didn't.

I should have not let myself to fall in love when I was in high school. I should have controlled myself and tried to focus on my studies. I should have not lowered down my defenses. For later on, it had only led me to much deeper troubles, anguish and sorrow that had affected me so much. I should have waited until I have finished college. But I didn't.

I should have been more active in the church organization that I joined in. I should have not let my erratic socialization blues hampered me from getting out of my way to get to know them. I should have not let 'fear of rejection' to rule over me. Changing a big part of me could have been much easier if I had a Christian companion who can constantly remind me of the things that I ought to do as a good Christian Catholic. But I didn't.

I should have been more kind with my words. I should have uttered loving words to lift up those around me. Words that could have been used to praise or compliment someone instead of denouncing them. I should have used the right words so that others may understood me. I should have been truthful in my words and have not spun a web of lies that have only trapped and led me to a stagnant life. But I didn't.

I should have made wiser decisions in the past. Decisions that should have made my life better. I should have not let my emotions took over my intellect. I should have thought a thousand times before I've decided. It should have been that way and my life could have been in better light now. But I didn't.

I should have leaned on my family and friends during the tumultuous phase of my life. They could have given me better advices, better support that I won't get from being alone. But instead, I refused to be helped by them. I had pushed all of them away from me. I let myself suffer alone - which had not been easy. I should have let them know what's happening and helped me get out of the mess I've created. But I didn't.

I should have looked on the brighter side of life. Being pessimistic made me miserable. I have just lost everything. I had been afraid to take on the challenges of life. I have not been able to enjoy my life completely these past few years. I should have not let myself be drowned by my inhibitions, fear and gutlessness to rob me of my chance to live my life to the fullest. But I didn't.

I should have not despised God in the past. This is one of the things I regret the most. I blamed God for everything bad that happened to me. From my failed courtship with my first love to being expelled in UP to falling for the same sin all over again - all of this I've blamed to God. I should have instead been all out in praising Him and offering all of the trials and sufferings that I'm enduring. That would have made my journey lighter. But I didn't.

Things that I should have done. Things that I should not have done.

And so all of this I regret with a heavy heart.

Image Copyright by Jose Dennio P. Lim Jr.

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I'm a BIG FAILURE (Part 1)

I don't know how it started. I just woke up one day having this feeling. I don't know how it's called. But after several years of struggles, missed opportunities, confusion and trials that I never surpassed, I've suddenly realized what is it all about. I've learned a painful truth about myself: I'm a BIG FAILURE - literally and figuratively.

It wasn't just being a failure to my family. What's more painful is that it was also about failing myself.

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A lot of times, I failed myself because of missed opportunities. Opportunities that were given to me in a silver platter yet I never grabbed it because of fear of the unknown, lame excuses and lack of faith that this opportunity and chance is really meant for me. And so, I've done it several times and never learned from it.

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I missed an opportunity at grade school to become the student government's president. But you can't blame me then since it was an impromptu announcement. They did not inform me before that morning program. And so, like what every child does, I cried because I don't know what to do. But years later, I've regretted that ill decision I made. I'll never had another opportunity like that until I came to college. They offered me to run for as councilor for student council but my academic standing then won't allow me. This leads me to another missed opportunity.

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I missed an opportunity to graduate in UP. Before I've entered the university, everyone was of high regard for me. I was supposedly the first one in our family to enter that university. But I failed them and myself. Of course, all of the blame goes to me. It all started with a hunch and ended with my lost of interest to study. After all, it wasn't my dream school. But because of the prestige it has, not to mention the affordable tuition then, I had to study there. Now, I still regret what I had done during my stint at UP. Lots of ifs and could have been are propping up in my mind every time.

I missed an opportunity to excel much better in school. I have admitted this before even to my parents: my enthusiasm and interest for studying has waned over the years. This lost passion I had for studying could be blamed on what I had been doing. Or as what my father had told me, because I had been not focused and tends to do so many things at the same time.

But that is the main reason why I am doing those things: I simply lost the appetite and craving I had for high grades and excellent academic performance that I had in elementary and high school. With this, I don't really have much regrets because it opened me up to more opportunities even if studies was compromised.

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I missed an opportunity to become involved in worthy organizations. I would always be enthusiastic at the start. But as days goes by and after few more weeks of mingling with them, 'pagtambay', and joining some activities, I would lose my interest. The reason? Most of the time, I feel that I'm not welcome. But upon much deeper reflection, I've came to realize that I'm not a sociable person. I don't know how to socialize and this is one of the many things that I'm trying to get over now in my present school so that same things that happened to me before in UP won't have its repeat performance.

I deeply regret this because I was given a chance to serve the people and the Lord Almighty but I chose to be passive and let myself be affected by what I am.

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I missed an opportunity to love the people that matters to me the most. Basically, this is not only about the failed relationships I had. It is also about how I failed to express my utmost concern, care and love for the people close to my heart. This one of my biggest failures. I had been too selfish and self-centered to the point I am already hurting them. I sometimes even think that I'm a freak because what I'm doing is contrary to what's in my heart and mind. I always push them away from me. I don't why.

I'm also very coy when it comes to courtship (or torpe in Filipino). When there's someone that I like very much, I tend to be very meek and timid. Maybe that's also an after effect of being a not sociable person. The farthest thing that I've ever did to court someone was to give her a teddy bear. And it took me all of my guts and courage to give it to her. Maybe that's why I had been also turned down many times by these girls. Yes, I have been turned down for several times already. The latest was just recently.

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As I write down these painful memories of the past, it is like I'm slashing off my wrists for the nth time. My tears are literally gushing off my eyes and I'm writing this at this very late hour because I don't want my family to see me cry again.

But like what they say, healing cannot start if you do not experience being hurt or the pain of it.

Next Part: I Should Have Done That

Image copyright by Jose Dennio. P. Lim Jr.

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Blogging Life - Part 2

Hello EVERYONE! I'm still very grateful for all of you because I've won the 3rd SPOT in the FILIPINO BLOG of the WEEK by The Composed Gentleman. I am really grateful that I have been able to force you to vote for me, haha.. :D

Muli, hindi na ako mamimilit, haha.. :D I would just like to ask you to PLEASE CONTINUE TO VOTE FOR MY BLOG: PROJECT DENNIO under the heading Vote Here which can be found at his SIDEBAR. I'm really counting on your support. Thank you very much.

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This is a continuation of a previous post. If you haven't seen it, click here.

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I tried to hang on the last thread I had for the survival of my eight blogs (including the main site) but my efforts proved to be futile. Because of this, I had finally made a 'very heartbreaking' decision to just let go of the other blogs and reboot my blogging life all over again.

The result was this blog.

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If you're going to view it now, it is in complete disarray. But when I was using that site, it was my masterpiece. I had attended to every single detail that it has. I made sure that every feature, add-on and links are working. It was also on this blog that I had made my first ever header image:

And of course, it contained my posts that I had painstakingly created.

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This blog reflected one of the major decisions I had made that year: to become an 'activist.' The header image would speak for itself. But ironically, I had only posted a few articles that talked about my views as a so-called 'activist.' It was just like my former blogs, it simply contained everything that I want to talk about.

But when the year 2008 came in, I started to write 'lots' of posts. Why? It was during these times that my life is starting to fall off. It was this blog that helped me to ease out the burden and sufferings I had been experiencing then.

It was also last year when I did a lot of things that I almost regret doing it. Why almost? Because I had a belief that even if it is 'my will that had been done,' that Guy up there still has something to do with it which I call as His Plan B. This Plan B would be very painful for us and Him to bear but nevertheless he allowed it to happen because He wants us to learn from it. And these things that I almost regret doing had inspired me further to write nice posts that received some praises and criticisms from my visitors.

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As I have mentioned earlier, I had only posted a few articles that would let you know of my 'activist' or 'leftist' leanings.

Until one day, after I had contemplated enough to 'leave' the 'national democratic struggle' as a pseudo activist, I had posted an entirely different article that would somehow contradict my 'former' activist leanings. It was some sort of a critique on what I call as the 'red army' here in the Philippines.

I did not expect that post to receive harsh comments from them - the hard-core activists.

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That single post had erupted into different arguments between me and them. At first, it was some sort of 'healthy exchange' of ideas and opinions. That would have been nice if it had not worsen into nasty personal attacks. If you had seen my Friendster and Multiply profile then, you would see how they lambasted me and called me names.

May isa pa nga sa kanila na sobrang minamaliit ang kakayahan ko na magsulat at nararapat lamang daw na magsulat ng mga artikulo na ang paksa ay tungkol sa mga Teletubbies.

But instead of retaliating, I just shrugged them off. Instead of backing off, I wrote two more aticles on that. Their attacks had just inspired me more to write about them.

They failed to understand that the 'critique' was not against them. If they'd just be reading it carefully, they'd find out that it was my way of suggesting so that their 'struggle' would succeed. But again, 'de-kahon kasi ang utak nila. Wala na tayo magagawa don.'

By the way, despite what had happened, I'd still be resurrecting those 'controversial' posts here very soon. :D

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That blog survived for more than a year. But after that, I had again decided to give my blog a 'refreshing look.' That time, I felt the need for it despite the fact that my life is now in ruin. This new blog served as my mask to hide all the pains I had. Just like what my visitor had commented - the past blog was too dark and gloomy unlike the new one which is filled with hope, life and dreams.

But they did not know that it was meant to hide the grim events that had unfolded since the start of the year. All the flashy images and colorful graphics are meant to veer away my visitors or friends from asking questions about me. I tried very hard to make them think of other things while they are visiting my blog.

Still, no matter how hard I've tried, it still reflected what had been happening to me during that time.

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At first, I tried to create 'relevant posts' for my blog. I was able to hold on to that in the first month. But as you can see my posts, none of them are really interesting. Aakalain mo na isang bangag ang sumulat nito. Walang direksyon. Walang tema.

Then the raging storm came. But before the storm came in, just like any other storm, there was a lull. For me, it was a momentary bliss that ended just too soon. I had not yet savored what happened.

Then, I got away for a month - the longest month I've ever had. It was a painful transition period. It was a time of accepting things that is yet to come.

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Then I came back a month later - still on that blog. I came with a new lease on life but still needs to undo lots of things that I've done. But, I'm not yet ready to go back to blogging. The events that had unfolded are just too overwhelming. I need to reconnect my soul with my body. Again, I went on 'hibernation.'

As I was slowly 'recovering' from the painful transition, one event had 'forced' me to go back to blogging.

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Well, I won't spill in the details here but it was about my 'love life.' *gasp* Yes. It was a broken heart that made me write again. It was tragic but just like what everyone says, 'there always opportunity in a crisis.' Lo and behold, that single tragic event awakened the poet in me.

I started to put up poems in my blog. If you're going to look at one here, you'll see that most of my poems that time are very dark and gloomy - like my past blog. Ang aking mga tula ay naging boses ng isang taong sobrang sawi at bigo sa pag-ibig. It was also my desperate attempt to win her back. Kumbaga, parang nagpapaawa ako sa kanya.

I know then that she's not reading my blog but that time I made sure she'd see it even through her Friendster profile. She did read it. She even texted me saying: 'parang puro tungkol naman sa akin lahat iyun eh..' Yes, I told her, it was all about you. I won't be adding more details to my tragic love story because I'd be putting that one up later.

After the dramatic turn of events, again, I stopped blogging.

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This time, I got busy with freelance writing again. I tried to clear my thoughts from her and decided to focus my energy into something productive. I tried to study hard again and do my job well. Going back to blogging was not one of my priorities.

But I guess, my 'calling' for this vocation cannot be ignored. But I cannot continue with that blog. It's just full of painful memories and I cannot go on carrying them all with me. I made my last post this year and decided to come up with a new one to help me pick up again my broken self.

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Thus, PROJECT DENNIO was born last May 1, 2009. My blogging life is still on after three years. And because my Photoshop went down yesterday, I cannot create a nice greeting for myself to proclaim my blogging anniversary.. :D Pagtitiisan ko muna ito. :)

J.D. LIM is now THREE YEARS OLD in the BLOGOSPHERE.

Blogging Life - Part 1

Hello EVERYONE! Thank you very much because I've won the 3rd SPOT in the FILIPINO BLOG of the WEEK by The Composed Gentleman. I am really grateful that I have been able to force you to vote for me, haha.. :D

Muli, hindi na ako mamimilit, haha.. :D I would just like to ask you to PLEASE CONTINUE TO VOTE FOR MY BLOG: PROJECT DENNIO under the heading Vote Here which can be found at his SIDEBAR. I'm really counting on your support. Thank you very much.

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When I started blogging three years ago, my only purpose was to just spill out my thoughts and share my newfound love for writing. It served as my platform for what I wanted to tell everybody but didn't have the chance to. It instantly tagged along with my passion for writing. That would eventually set the stage for my adventures on the internet.

But before that, I started to know the existence of blogging during the summer of 2006 - just before I entered college. But because we don't have an internet connection during that time, I spilled out my thoughts by sending 3-part text messages to my classmates in elementary and high school. That's why I'm 'celebrating' my blogging anniversary on the 29th of May every year - the day I started to send 'spam messages' to their cellphones.

Siyempre, madami ang medyo naasar sa kakulitan ko sa text. May iba rin naman na natuwa (o napilitan lang matuwa. :D) Hanggang sa pumasok na ako sa college, ganun pa din ang gingawa ko. Until one day, a high school friend posted a bulletin in Friendster with a link to his blog. That single click, changed my life forever.

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After browsing through his nicely made blogsite, I finally decided to get started with this blog. It is a very simple blog filled with images grabbed from different websites. and of course filled with 'relevant content.' If you would see it, its looks cannot deny the fact that the one who created it is a noob in this field. Back then, I don't care much about the layout or the flashy add-ons that it needs to have. I was focused on creating nice 'posts' or 'articles. The topics I had are just anything under the sun - but most of them are about politics.

I have read recently my very first blog post and I found it very much 'idealistic'. It was filled with so much youthful idealism that is to be expected of a teenager who hadn't yet experience the so-called 'realities of life.' I was aware of that. But I decided not to give in to the 'realities of life' - until I experience it first hand years later.

A part of my purpose was not just about posting any article. It has to be something different and my visitors have something to get from it. Too idealistic eh? Maybe. But it is also a part of something that have been roused within me during the last few months of my stay in high school: the passion for truth.

But did that 'youthful idealism' I had have disappeared? Have I quenched that passion for truth? I can somehow proudly say that despite all of the 'misfortunes' that happened, and are still happening, it is still within me and would be completely evident in this blog.

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But after three months of blogging, I had a sudden realization - I need to have a better blog. Instead of editing my first ever blog, I decided to create a new one. Not really a new one but it was to give my blog a refreshing look. It was also during this time that I've finally learned a lot about blogging. All that editing templates, add-ons and all other stuff that would make my site look classy and sophisticated. I also tried to monetize my site using AdBrite (I haven't heard of AdSense then until last year.)

Aside from that, because of the overflowing rants and raves I had in my mind, I also decided to put up several blogs. But I think you'd be quite surprised to find out that I had put up seven different blogs - of course with different niche.

The first one was some sort of a 'shocking' blog; it was meant to shock my audience with something different. The second one was something about giving a different brand of education. The third one tried to serve as my online journal - and a great place where some of my 'enemies' have gathered information about me. The fourth one was intended to become my 'launching pad' in my bid to become the next president of the Philippines. (Hahaha.. :D And up to is STILL one of my ambtions. :D) The fifth one was some sort of an encouragement for us Filipinos to stay and help our nation. The sixth one was all about the environment - saving and preserving it.

Finally and definitely not the least, one of the remaining original blogs and the last of the several blogs that I had created and offered as gift to Mama Mary. This is a very special blog to me and its creation had been inspired by reading the Catholic magazine 'Know the Truth.' This blog would surely be 'resurrecting' in a few months time. This is the seventh one which is all about 'defending the Catholic faith'.

Back then, many had raised their eyebrows and asked me: why seven? Well, my purpose is that I collect the same articles with the same theme under one roof so that they could always expect the same articles or post from that blog. If you really want to know the story behind it, you might as well want to see it here.

But sadly, I wasn't able to manage the blogs well because our internet connection would just be installed on April 2009 - three years later.

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Despite what happened, it is on this 'renewal' that I had a received a very heartwarming email from someone whom I did not know that had inspired me to continue what I'm doing. But it was not the only email I got. I've got several of them whom had continually encouraged me to go on. These emails really touched me to the point that it almost made me cry.

Sadly, I had forgotten the password for my email account where they had sent their emails. I had no more way of thanking them but through this blog, hoping that they're still around and they would know how much grateful I am because after those three turbulent years of my life - I'm still here because of them.

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To be continued..

Photo taken from here.

What a Week - Randomized (Part 2)

Hello EVERYONE! Thank you very much because I've won the 3rd SPOT in the FILIPINO BLOG of the WEEK by The Composed Gentleman. I am really grateful that I have been able to force you to vote for me, haha.. :D

Muli, hindi na ako mamimilit, haha.. :D I would just like to ask you to PLEASE VOTE FOR MY BLOG: PROJECT DENNIO under the heading Vote Here which can be found at his SIDEBAR. Thanks. :D

I'm just hoping that you'd still support me all the way even though I will not force you to, haha.. :)

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Here is the continuation of my week in review. :) (May 17-23, 2009)

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The second dream was quite nightmarish in type and the 'characters' in my dream involves me and my sister. We were fighting a devilish creature outside our window. The creature with very big, red eyes and two large horns at its head. The scene had happened inside our room (we share the same room). It was quite very short because all that I could remember was that it was trying to get inside our room and we are trying to ward it off using our pillows.

Then after some time, I decided to get the Bible I had on our bedside table (or it is not really a table because it contains all our toys, you know the freebies from the kiddie meals, haha.. :D). Then I let the 'monster' see it and it seemed to be scared but still is very persistent in trying to break in.

Then out of nowhere, my sister suddenly slapped the 'devilish creature' hard on its face and then suddenly disappeared.

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After I had those dreams, I was really sweating profusely. It also kinda bothered me and made me wonder why I had such dreams.

The first 'interpretation' that came into my mind for the first dream is it seems that I would be leading my family (or my parents) to danger. Hindi siguro panganib, baka sa sobrang kahihiyan.

Maybe it was one way of telling me that I still have that feeling that I brought my entire family into shame because I had been 'evicted' or 'expelled' from THE University of the Philippines. It was like I was running away from the war and instead of saving my family from the advancing enemy. I brought them in the enemy HQ.

Still, it could have other interpretations and I would like to know what do you think about it.

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On the second dream. I believe it is one way of saying that my sister can really do something extraordinary that she can literally save us from 'devilish creatures.' I believe she had been 'undervalued' by many people in the past. But being her 'kuya', I had so much belief in her that she got so much potential but she is just too shy or timid to show and use it.

Then something came into my mind. The two dreams were connected.

I unexpectedly brought in my family to shame. My sister would retrieve us from it in the most unexpected way.

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My company had almost 'crashed' this week. It almost went into 'bankruptcy.' I really need to learn a lot in 'running a company' and last week taught me lots of lessons. One, exert a little authority over your 'employees.' Two, read the instructions carefully. Last, be prepared for the worst.

As of now, I had been able to recover quite a bit from what happened. I just hope that everything would go well for the next few months. :)

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That's all for the 'week in review.' Haha.. Gulo ko. :D

Photo taken from here.

Social Life - Part 2

Hello EVERYONE! I'm very much thrilled and thankful to be nominated for the FILIPINO BLOG of the WEEK by The Composed Gentleman. I am asking you to PLEASE VOTE FOR ME which can be found at his SIDEBAR. Thanks. :D

As of this moment (11:25 P.M.), I'm currently tied with someone else at the third place and is still 22 votes away from the first one, so please, as you finish reading my post, please vote for me. I'd really be grateful. And if you think I really deserve it, do grab my button which can be found at the sidebar. Thank you very much and may God bless us all! :)

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I had a taste of being an activist. But by the strictest 'standards' of being an activist, I wouldn't consider myself one. I had never joined any rally except that one when we are up in arms against the TOFI. I had never joined a basic masses integration or BMI to really be one with the masses and understand them better.

In short, I was a pseudo activist or a reluctant one to give myself fully to the cause.

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As I have mentioned in my previous post, after I had joined my first-ever rally inside the campus, I was invited by one of them to join their group. I just told her to give me some time to think about it, and I'll let her know my decision - after the Christmas break.

So as I attend the Simbang Gabi during the Christmas break, that was one of my prayers. Well, the first one was to drop that someone from up above that I would love, hahaha.. :D (That would be an another story.) Then the other one was to give me a sign if it would be a right decision to join them.

The Christmas break ended still the sign that I'm asking for didn't appear. But I didn't wait for heaven to give it to me. I made the decision that I would go for it - a decision that puzzles me know on why I made it.

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But I wasn't able to join them till the next sem. I don't know why I'm uber interested in joining them that even though my contact does not reply to any of my messages, I scoured the internet for possible contact. Lo and behold, I found someone who could have a contact with her. Luckily, he did have.

I don't know if fate had played upon me that day because it was also the same time that they're having an exhibit and a sign-up booth at the 2nd floor of AS.

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So to make the long story short, I signed up. They were quite thrilled because I had 'volunteered' myself in joining them. No one had bugged and preached me something about the national democratic movement, etc. I made my decision on my own will.

Maybe, it is because I had been reading some of their articles on their website (which is now gone) and the website of the so-called 'communists' since high school. In fact, the first photos I had in my Friendster account were photos of NPAs doing their work (the photos are still there).

Well during that time, I have been enmeshed in my own fight - a fight against cheaters. (That would be an another story. :D)

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In the first few months of being with them, I had religiously attended their Educational Discussions or EDs. I try to go to their 'tambayan' every afternoon so I could catch up with them and talk about anything under the sun - but of course more about on our cause.

During my short stint, I had been really amazed on the zealousness of some of our members who are really active in campaigning and advancing our cause. Their love for our country and the masses cannot almost be matched by anyone else.

Most people think that activists are not good in their studies. I must say that there are quite a few but most of them had been able to balance their time between doing activist and school work. Some of them are even cum laude or magna cum laude standing.

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But of course, I am different. I would also like to make it clear to everyone else. I had not been evicted from UP because it had interfered with my studies. It was simply my own fault. I had not studied well. And I had been a 'gago' in the final days of my stay in that university.

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Despite 'falling away' from them, I had really learned a lot from my experience. as a pseudo-activist. I learned to be more critical and 'mapanuri' on everything that is happening around us. They had opened up my eyes to most glaring issues of our society which had been usually left out by the mainstream media.

What's more important is that my stay with them taught me to love our country more - and to serve the people.

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Before I 'left' them, I had a few disagreements with some of them due to my not-so-nice post about them in my previous blog. Ang mga pagtatalong ito eh medyo umabot sa pagbabato sa akin ng mga masasakit at mapanghusgang mga komento. Still, despite of this untowards incident and some things that I don't agree with them, I still have high regard for them.

Iyun nga lang. I'm already asking my apologies because I would be reposting those articles in my blog here. Still, I do hope, they would have an open mind and heart when they read it. :)

Photo taken from here.

My Life as a Freelance Writer

(UPDATE - 21 May 2009: As of now, I have currently stopped the hiring of writers because of some unexpected problems. As much as I wanted to have everyone else to be my writer so that I could extend more earning opportunities for them, I have also promised my current writers to keep the team small so that they could get lots of opportunities to earn as a freelance writer. Rest assured that as I expand in the near future, I'd be hiring new writers so that they too could earn more than what they are earning now from their current jobs.)

This is really it. Finally, I'm having my own business - my own company to be exact. After 3 years of my experience as a freelance writer who is very frustrated with the low salary and compensation, I have finally decided to put up J.D. Lim Creative Solutions.

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I had first started as a freelance writer for academic papers when I was in first year college. I'm kinda new to the profession but I was brave enough to take on the challenge. Someone had noticed my ad at Sulit, a free classified ads websites. The ad was about me looking for a part time job. Nothing in particular. She had offered me to work with her as a freelance writer for academic papers.

Good thing that my beautiful English teacher in high school, Mrs. Rona Gallego-Sabino, (haha.. full name talaga at may pambobola pa, haha.. :D Well, that's my way of showing how grateful I am to her.) had taught us a few things about MLA academic style of writing and it really worked to my advantage. Kaya salamat po ng marami Ma'am Rona. :)

I earned some during my short stint, I had not encountered any problem but after the last order was done but good thing is that she paid me - unlike the others who would just disappear when the payment time comes.

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My next stint was a content writer for websites. She is based in Malaysia. Blame it for my stupidity, I had never asked her how she could paid me. I did quite a lot of articles for her and the pay is really low. Nevertheless, even though she hasn't paid me, it gave me lots of experience on how to write website articles for Search Engine Optimization or SEO.

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But for almost a year I had stopped doing it. Well, it is because of the many problems I had encountered then - which would be the subject of another story.

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Then after coming out of the storm, I decided to resume my 'career' as a freelance writer. I applied for several freelance writing companies. Some had also seen my ad and offered me to work for them. I accepted them all. But unfortunately, bad things happened.

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I signed for a quite popular freelance writing site. I saw their ad on a popular blog and I became interested to join. I thought I would be having a great time working for them. But, the opposite had happened.

What really pissed me off is that it would take them a long time before they can actually check your submitted articles. What's more is that they require you to finish it within 24 hours because it is alwayas 'urgently needed'! Yet, it took them weeks before they can actually check it. So is it really urgent? Or they are just forcing their writers to produce more so they could earn more? It is a clear case of exploitation.

Aside from that, their rates are REALLY low. Imagine, 60 pesos for a 500 word article? Your creative juices is just worth 60 pesos! Whereas, later I found out that writers can actually be paid a minimum of 100 pesos per 300 word article! Again, that got into my nerves.

So when they had been able to check my submissions, more than two weeks had gone by. Then, they are returning it to me for revisions! So, I thought it would be right for me to complain about their unfair policy. But then and there, they had terminated me for 'insubordination.'

Anyway, this experience had made me decide to put up a company one day that would value its writers and not treat them as robots - which had been finally realized last Friday.

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J.D. Lim Creative Solutions Inc. is founded on these core values: I want my writers to feel that they are being valued, their works are well-compensated and give them the best opportunities to enhance their skills as a writer. It is a one-man company that is set to break barriers and norms.

It is a one-man company run by a 19-year old. But he believes that this company would grow and diversify its services and help others find a job and earn for their living.

I just hope, with the aid of that loving Guy from above, things would go well and our team would be able to hurdle all the obstacles awaiting us in this new journey.

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If you're interested to be with us, please see my ad below.

My Social Life - Part 1

I had a hard time making this one because I don't know what to say about my 'social life' in UP. It is literally nil. It also took a lot of courage because I would appear stupid for doing this and that. But I guess, that would be one of the purpose of this blog, make me look stupid so that others may learn.

Now, after two days of being stuck in this finishing this post, here it is.

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Aristotle once said that 'man is a social animal.' Indeed in this life, we cannot live without a family or even just a companion. We've got hundreds of quotes that would remind us of this ancient truth.

But during my stay in UP, you won't believe that I have defied this truth and had been able to somehow survive a nasty jungle like that by being a loner. I had a few acquaintances but none of them had really been my companion throughout my short stint at the university.

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For students, it is on the first day of class that they would be making friends. In UP., your block mates would be your 'family'. They would be your first acquaintances that would help you survive college life in the first year. But because of the unfortunate events that happened on the first day, I was not able to know a single acquaintance. It was only later during the day that I had known one. He's nice and very friendly. In my mind, I thought that he would be my friend in UP.

We could have been great friends. We always talk about lots of things. We may not have common interests but we sure do 'click' with each other. We had been great group mates in our projects in PolSci.

I could have nurtured that friendship. But I just don't know what happened. I just found myself one day isolated and wandering alone in the wilderness of Krus na Ligas.

I'm just a freshman then.

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I had also backed out from joining an academic org. They were the ones who had been handling our block then. I declined from joining because some of the activities would require me to stay out late - which my parents won't approve.

I had again tried to join their org after a year. But in the middle of the application process, I backed out. One of my reasons was I had joined earlier an 'progressive and militant mass org' which would be contradicting to their 'stand' on issues (although they are a non-partisan org but most of their members are also part of a group that is completely different from what I have joined).

I almost had my chance, but I let it go. Why? I kept myself isolated.

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So I had already mentioned. I joined a 'progressive and militant mass org.' I wasn't disillusioned then. I had my clear motives and I know why I joined them.

It was on that breezy day of December in 2006 when I and my friend (who became my friend through a common friend in elementary) decided to join a rally at the Board of Regents (BOR) meet that would define if the tuition and other fees in UP would be raised. I joined that rally because I don't want that to happen. I want then, my sister and other younger cousins to enter the prestigious university. So I have to 'fight' for them and never let that happen.

My friend's friend who is a member of the mass org (which I'd be joining later), invited me to join them because I have told my friend that I'd like to join in one. So we didn't have the 'luxury' of time to discuss things about their org so she had just given me an application form. I told her that I'd be thinking about it and I'll let her know after Christmas vacation.

That would be another story but meanwhile I'll let you know that I had not been that active in their org and that rally was the last one I had joined. But why did I left? I had isolated myself completely.

to be continued..

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Photo taken from here.

First Day of Classes

"The most difficult phase of life is not when no one understands you; it is when you don't understand yourself."

(If you haven't read the first part of my story, please go HERE.)

First day of school. Despite all the hunches and feelings I had before I finally enrolled in this prestigious university, I'm also excited like everyone else. Even for this day, I'm going to forget all the things that had been bothering me. I'm just going to enjoy this day. The day that only a few hopefuls would have the privilege to experience.

But again, without thinking about it, a series of surprising events happened.

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I had been 'checked-in' by my parents the day before in my new home in UP. I had a nice chat with one of my housemates that night. He would be one of my friends throughout my stay in UP. After that little talk, I had not been able to sleep well that night. I just had too many thoughts running in my mind. I had also this overwhelming feeling that I must really be dreaming. After this tiring exercise, I finally laid myself to rest.

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I woke up at around 7 AM - an hour and a half before my first class finally starts. I did what would be my daily routine for the next year and a half. Fix my bed, prepare my clothes, prepare my bag, drink my milk (Yup, despite my towering figure, I still drink LOTS of milk because I don't want to end up like that old lady in a milk commercial that needs to drink that uber-expensive milk brand just to enjoy ballroom dancing.), take a bath, dress up, eat my breakfast at a nearby carenderia or at the SC (Shopping Center) and walk or ride a jeep to go to my class.

I had accomplished all of this in less than an hour, so I've got 30 more minutes to do something else.

It wasn't planned but my feet led me to the nearby church to pray. I don't remember what I had exactly prayed for then but most likely it would be to help me in my stay here - which would be the theme of my intercessions to Him in the next three years.

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After a few minutes of trying to be a saint, I took the Toki jeep to take me to the farthest building in UP: the Math building. I think 'Math-haters' like me won't believe that a building would be named after the subject that tortured them and almost killed their dreams - including mine.

It was still early. There's still about 20 minutes before the class starts and here in UP, at such time, buildings would relatively be empty until the last 5 minutes before the next class comes. So I sat at one of the benches and have texted a classmate from high school that would be also having his classes here.

He's still on the way to school. *sigh* I'm alone - a scenario that would happen to me during the most of my stay in that school. I just tried to ease my boredom by waiting in my class. Still, I was the first one to arrive. I just sat down and waited for the instructor to come. Then she finally came.

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Obviously, the first thing that she'd be doing is to check the attendance. We submitted our Form 5. Then, I was quite surprised by what she said: "Iho, bukas pa ang math mo."

What? So to avoid getting any attention from my three classmates (we were only five then in the room, including the instructor), I just got my Form 5 and ran away from that room. I again texted my classmate and told him that I have no classes. I waited for him outside the room and we went out of the building.

Not knowing where to go, we just wandered until we decided to just go to the Shopping Center (the only familiar place for freshies on the first day of school) and eat at Rodicks.

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It was only after we had parted ways that I take the time to scan my Form 5 to see what's my next class would be. I was taken aback with what I found out, I thought that it was a Monday but actually it was a Tuesday. (Nahirapan akong buuin ang pangungusap na ito. :D)

I had missed my first class - which is my major. On my first day at school, I had made my first mistake.

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That could be a tell tale sign for me that this is what's going to transpire in the next three years - missed classes, missed opportunities and missed life.

It could also be a warning so that I would never do it again. But I never heeded to any signs or warnings because I had been too ignorant to notice them. I had been too enmeshed in thinking that if I would just live the day, everything would be fine. That complacency had buried me in a mess that would take years before I could get out of it.

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Still, something good had happened during that day.

The Freshman Welcome Assembly was held that afternoon. As I was making my way to the venue (University Theater), suddenly the heavens poured out its bowls. It doesn't show any signs of stopping. what's even worse is that I didn't brought my umbrella with me.

Manong had dropped me and some freshies who had not also brought their umbrellas with them at the nearby waiting shed. Then the downpour suddenly stopped. But I know it is not yet over so I just ran as fast as I could to take advantage of the sudden lull.

Then, just a few seconds after I had sprinted from across the street, it started raining again. Good thing that I had been able to take cover at the side of the building. I was so close to the entrance. Luckily, somebody had seen me and offered to go with him inside. I just have to thank that guy from saving me from getting wet. But as I was about to express my gratitude, he was nowhere to be found.

Maybe, He sent that person to save me. But it wasn't until now that I realized that it was not all misfortunes that happened to me during that day.

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At the end of my first day, I went back home. Yes, I was just away for a day and now I'm already coming back. It is not because I got home sick but because I had no classes for the next day (Wednesday) and my parents told me to just go back because I'd be doing nothing anyway.

On my way home, a group of activists had rode the same jeepney that I was in. They were the group that had staged a lightning rally earlier on our freshman assembly. I just ignored them. I wasn't interested then in getting involved with their 'movement.'

But a few moths later, I'm going to see the same faces while we are up in arms against the impending tuition fee increase. I didn't also know then, that I'd be having a short stint with them a year later.

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It took me three days to finish this post. I had a hard time remembering the details. It seems that my memory had not clearly stored the painful memories of my past. Maybe, it had become too painful to bear that my mind had automatically cleared the junk out.

Nevertheless, these events that happened on my first day of class would actually be a hint to what's going to happen in the remaining years of my stay in UP - before I got evicted.

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Next, my social life.

Photo taken from here.