Spinning Lies

I don't know what my title means. I didn't even lift a finger to know what that means. I have probably heard or seen it before but I'm not sure. It's just right now I'm living on lies.

I lied to everybody else I know and loved. I told them that I don't have any problem. The truth is I'm on the brink of being evicted from my school. I'm probably one of the few rotten eggs in UP that got the grade of 5 in almost all of the subjects I have taken this semester. And I just don't know what to do..

Before, I would stay up late just to watch my favorite late-night public affairs program or finish a project. But now, I would stay awake at night just to wait for everybody else to sleep so that I could cry..

I'm crying because I've ruined my life. I've wasted the chance that He gave me. I could've done the other way around but I chose to be stupid and stubborn. I chose to let a year pass by without doing anything right. I chose to burn 12,000 pesos that should have been put to good use; instead of sending a useless 18 year-old to study.

I really knew it from the very start. My college life would be disastrous. It will lead me to nowhere. But I've got no choice but to study. A lot of people are expecting a lot from me. I can't bring them down. But I have forgotten I have my life too. I've been living too much on their expectations. That's when I started to live on lies..

One lie after another.. I didn't see that the web of lies that I've created has already trapped me. I tried to broke it off but I can't. Then my life started to fall down slowly to pieces.. I didn't even bother to pick it up and glue the pieces together..

And now, I'm at the crossroads; and I'm tired. I have thought of killing myself but I am too coward to do it. That's why at one point in my life, I have prayed that He take away my life so that someone could use it for good. I want Him to completely erase me. Erase all the memories that I have inflicted on everybody. I don't want to be remembered. I just want to disappear that nobody would know me.

That way, my stupidity has finally given the justice it deserved.

Still, I'm clinging on the last strand of hope and strength I have. I do hope I can still move on.. Tama na.. Naiiyak na naman ako.. Wala pa sa oras.. It's just 11:45 PM.. My sister's still awake.. My precious jewel.. I'm sorry.. Kuya failed you.. Kuya failed everybody else.. And Kuya deserves to be punished real bad..

And to everybody else, please don't forget:

Follow CHRIST.

Serve the PEOPLE!